i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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