So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
