And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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