so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
