Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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