we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
