Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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