why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My pussy is not your playground.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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