So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
