Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he fucked my hip out of place.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
