Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize