dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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