just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
