I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
