I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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