Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
did i walk over a car last night?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
