Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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