yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
