Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
