puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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