i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She tied me up with her honor cords...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
