You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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