Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
