my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
