i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
