we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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