Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
