A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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