I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It was confusing and full of hummus
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
