...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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