Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
