so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
