The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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