You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
