My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
