He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize