My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize