so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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