He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
