he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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