sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
