I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
