i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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