i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
