is your mom at the bar?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize