she was so not down for the gang bang
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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