C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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