I just pynch a tree in the face
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
