genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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