i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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