Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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