im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
