speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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