took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
