i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
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