I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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