we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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