so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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