It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize