I am in a vortex of obligation.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
