Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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