You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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