I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
