Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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