once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
