I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize