I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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